Friday, April 8, 2011

Planning ahead

So, the past few days have been going ok, I've been walking through "my emotional disconnected numb feelings" maybe I'll just give it the acronym DNF...it's so, strange to know it's happening and all you can really do is wait it out! While I'm waiting I've been working on some new leashes and having Suzzie model them, she's kindle a four legged business card ( oh need to make business cards)! Folks at school love the leashes and are spreading the word and I also reconnected with a highschool friend who is the Vice-President (Indiana Chapter) of an orginatizion called "Rolling Thunder" it's a non-profit created by vets to help other vets and service members you should check them out www.rollingthunder.com - anyways, he says they can help me get the leash/scholarship idea off the ground and start helping financially to make it happen, how awesome is that!!! Also, getting ready to head to a Veterans Retreat to be with other female vets affected by MST and PTSD where we'll be finishing filming in Kirby Dick's new film dedicated to this topic called "The Invisible War" which will debut at the Sundance Film Featival!
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1 comment:

  1. Faking HealthMay 22, 2013 at 3:46 PM

    Hi Trina. Back for more commenting! You could be the queen of networking and getting things off the ground. Amazing how things come together sometimes.

    I saw a video someplace of the retreat you mentioned. It looked like a great place. I hope you've been able to return there.

    So interesting to see you writing before the film was finished. Did you have any idea how life changing it would be, both for you and so many others? I imagine that at this stage you may not have even known some of the other participants since you were interviewed individually. Do you remember what you thought would happen back then? How you'd thought the film would turn out and what kinds of thoughts you had about how it might affect you and others? (maybe even some thoughts or ideas that turned out differently?)

    Regarding the disconnect, I hate waiting things out. I still try to fight it by trying to eat better, sleep better, "something" better. It never makes a difference. With me, the worst of it (if it happened by itself and I wasn't triggered into it) usually lasts about 3 days. Knowing that helps me sometimes.

    I don't always mind the disconnect, if I'm otherwise functional on those days. But it's weird to be aware of it. Like being a third party almost. It's especially weird being aware of how intense emotions are at other times, yet even with that knowledge and memories, STILL feeling disconnected on those days. I find myself thinking sometimes "Shouldn't I be freaking out about 'this thing or that' right now? ...No? Ok. Shouldn't I feel huge love and joy about this other thing right now? ... No? Sadness at that thing? ... No. Ok."

    Makes me wonder sometimes which is "real." The intense stuff or the numbness. Neither, probably. Or all. It's a very strange kind of reality. Surreal-ish.

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